Thursday, August 13, 2015

The end is a new beginning

So as a jewelry artist we are always learning new things, it's just part of our creative make up, we have to tinker, and try, and see how things work, we often step outside the box, we often walk off the beaten path,  we search high n low for something that calls to our blood, to our soul. It's not often we remain in still waters though at times our feet are firmly planted while our imagination and creativity takes a back seat to our every day life occurences. I've had such a recent occurence. Back in June just two days before my beloved black lab Winston turned 9 years old he had started to get sick,  a visit to the vet revealed a.major infection and the possibility of tumors and cancer. Skipping over the worst parts of this story and with a broken heart my best friend and soul dog passed away at home surrounded by those who loved him dearly and went to the rainbow bridge. While I was at peace with the fact that he knew how much he was loved and cherished and that he would no longer suffer, his passing broke me truly and completely . Some have said it was silly to feel such grief over an animal but to me he was my family, this wee little puppy who chose to be mine at only a week old. He had been my best friend, my companion, my everything. And on June 30th he went to the great beyond. I still miss him everyday,  now when I look about for him my eyes go to his box that holds his ashes and a piece of my soul is there with him and always will be.

During his illness I had stopped creating, I was overwhelmed,  I was tired, I fought  hard for him, I cared for him, I comforted and loved him, I comforted my children and my husband . I shielded them all from the worse parts of Winstons illness, I didn't want them to see him deteriorate,  I didn't want Winston to lose his dignity and so that's how it went every day for three weeks. Ohhh I had to fight with my stubborn old man fur dog to take his medicines, to try to get him up and to move, to get better, I begged him not to leave me.

Tuesday June 30th I woke up to a normal day of getting my kids up and feeding them breakfast, caring for Winston,  changing bandages,  bathing wounds, doing household cleaning etc. It had been an overcast day promising some crazy storms, my middle child had a dance class that evening and as we.left the house after dinner we had seen rainbows all along the way, it had rained I mean the heavens opened up and for twenty minutes it poured as though the sea itself was emptying out upon the earth, and just as suddenly as it started it had stopped and on our ride home as my daughter and I cried about Winston knowing with all my heart that he wasn't going to be with us much longer we drove home in silence. When we got home I went into the basement where he had been that last week as he lost the use of his hind legs, and where it was easier to care for his needs, I went to him and looked him in the eyes and that's when I knew with every fiber of my being that my best friend, my companion, my rock, my familier, my soul dog was leaving, he waited for us to come home, I told him that as much as it would hurt me that I was a survivor and I would survive I would be changed but I would survive, that if he needed to go it was okay that I loved him and always would and that one day gods willing we would see one another soon.  I called my family down to say what they needed to. And he passed away five minutes later.

Since then I had taken time off from jewelry designing,  I stepped away from the groups that I was in on a constant basis, those that I was an admin on, I stepped entirely away from the facebook, and Internet world, I took time to grieve, to be with my family, because I know  life is short and people we love pass away , I know that we grieve differently, but I needed time with my children, we needed to be a unit, we needed one another. Winstons passing affected us all.

A week ago I decided to finally sit down and force my self to create something, creating jewelry to me is the one thing that heals me, that takes my soul and makes a story, that makes me feel.good, joyous and free. It takes my mind to a different world, in it I get lost in the beauty of the art, it's like sitting outside yourself and watching you light up from within. And so I created a design based upon the sea where a seahorse lives, and dreams. Where the ocean calms and opens it's arms and surrounds you in warmth, like a hug from mother nature herself. It grounded me. It brought me back to a part of myself that had drifted.

I decided to take this slow season for many of us artists and work on trying new designs,  and becoming more involved in jewelry swaps and challenges. And so that's the path I am on at the moment. I am seeing new things and I'm liking where I'm headed.

Oh it was no easy task leaving the groups I was an admin in not easy at all but the timing felt right and thank goodness to the beautiful souls of my new sisters for always understanding and still wanting to take my journey with me. For never giving up on me. It means so much.

And so my friends if your reading this thank you for being here. This blog will continue to grow so please be sure to come back often.

In Loving Memory
Winston S. Maiden

6/11/06 - 6/30/15

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